This sem was, exhausting.

I've started living in school. Assignment week pulverized me. I didn't sleep so many nights that when it came to a night I could and should sleep, I couldn't cuz I forgot how to. It's become one of my top hated things: Not sleeping when I can. Lying there staring at the blank ceiling depresses me for some inexplicable reason.

Mom was right; Singapore is like ancient Egypt. God graciously delivered us from the hands of slave-driving egyptians 7 years ago and I stupidly pranced right back in. Will I get politically-slained for this?

My brain and complexion have dulled and I hadn't seen sunlight for a long time. Fresh air suddenly seems so unfamiliar.


Anyhow, I don't think I'm getting hall in NTU next sem, and I haven't got anywhere else to live. I need 14 points and I only got 12. And this marvelous school has a tendency to fling all these application and subject registration forms at you right at the moment you're busy finishing off some assignment that's due the next day. Years of being in existence with countless generations of kids streaming in and out have done nothing for the system. Do they not understand what a studio-based elective is?? It's a mod that will vanquish every bit of a life you even think you have.

They tell me the year four seniors in this uni look like old hags. Isn't that just encouraging. And I'm halfway through my course too.


I guess some good has come out of it. I think. I've been reading the Bible more, reading more Max Lucado, praying more, even doing daily devotions. But at the same time I feel like I'm sinning more too. It's like the more good I try to be, the more bad I seem. The closer to God I try to become, the further I'm slipping from Him. The more I try to rely on Him, the more I forget to ask Him for help. Every step I take forward, it's two steps back instead. Knowledge amounts to nothing without application. I'm a horrible model for what I stand for.

sigh. Obedience is the key. I will keep trying.


Anyway, I think I'm missing out on like 10 weddings. It claws at my head cuz these are weddings of people that matter to me. And it's not like these kinda things happen again for them so I'm missing out on something that will never ever ever happen again and it really pisses me off. And I'm not even free enough to send an email. Largely because no one tells me when whose wedding is. Every possible time slot I have open, I try to sleep.


Argh I'm supposed to sleep now. Update another time. Got all that Tas/Melb stuff to put up too..